I just want my grandmother to be ok

My grandmother had a stroke and is in the hospital. My grandmother who is in her 80s and can still walk, drive, dance, cook, laugh is lying in a hospital bed unable to breathe or swallow on her own. She is awake but the stroke was bad. My uncle and cousin moved in with her a few weeks ago because they needed a place to stay. Thank God they did because if she was living alone who knows how long she would have been lying there.

I tried to see her yesterday and today but yesterday she just got into the hospital and when I spoke to my cousin it was getting late and she was sleeping. Today I was going to go after work but she was taken out of her room for testing and wouldn't be back until after 8. I'm going to try once again to stop by after work tomorrow.

I'm scared to see her. She can't talk and can't move and I'm use to my independent grandmother who can take care of herself. This is not her lying immobile in a hospital bed unable to talk to us. I'm scared of crying when I see her. She doesn't need to see that. I can't imagine how scared she must be right now and there's nothing I can do to help.

I have so much on my mind lately and I feel like the bad just keeps piling up. The universe is really good at shoveling on the shit sometimes.