Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A letter to the Bachelorette Emily

Dear Emily:

I think it's great that you're trying to find love again on a reality tv show. It almost worked the first time.

I'd like to give you a little advice since I am actually older than you even though you look like you're older than me.

See that guy in the picture above. He is a douche bag. I would suggest getting rid of the guy that told you he would be upset if you got fat after you got married.

And the guy that told you he wished you let him finish when you tried to get a word in? Get rid of that DB as well.

I'd like to know how being 25 is a red flag when you're 26? That whole 1 year age difference is a bit hard to swallow but I'm sure you might be able to find a few things in common. At the very least you could call yourself a cougar.

I understand that being a mother is very important to you but you're not the only single parent in the world who's dated.

I would suggest focusing a little more on what you're like so the guys can actually get to know you. We know nothing about you except that you're from the south and you're a single mom. Wait! You also like Gloriana and Dolly Parton. I get it, Ricky is important but I'm sure you were a person with hobbies and interests before you were a mom.

I'd like to request that you make this season more interesting. I started clipping my finger nails last night and talking to the cats because I was that bored. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Your older, wiser, childless friend



  1. I Love this. I don't even watch this show, but everything you said is perfect. Also being 25 is a problem? Maybe it your 40, but at 26, girlfriend get over that shit.

    Also I firmly believe most guys that go on that show are douchebags that are just trying to get famous, so maybe she should find someone they rejected for the show. He's bound to be better.

  2. This season is soooo boring. I actually haven't watched last night's episode yet. I was driving back to Fargo and was reading updates on Twitter instead. Thanks to Twitter I know what dudes were douches and how boring Emily is. I think I'll skip the episode.