Sunday, June 3, 2012

Learning to let a dude be a gentleman

I pride myself on being able to take care of myself. I pay my own bills, I don't borrow money from people and I put together my own IKEA furniture even when the directions say you need two people to assemble. Two people means one Ginny and two cats trying to sit on your unfinished table.

My philosophy is summed up pretty well by Destiny's Child: I depend on me if I want it.




The new guy I'm seeing who I referred to as sunglasses guy likes to pay for me when we go out. I offer to pay for my share but he insists. Do you know how hard it is to let him pay for me? Very hard. But why do I find this so hard? It's like I want the world to know that I don't need anyone else for anything. I got this! That's what my brain is telling me.  I'm also not use to a guy paying. It's true. Most of the guys I have dated did not pay for me. This is 2012 so this is not uncommon but it is a little bit of a surprise when you come across a guy who likes to keep it old school.

What I'm learning to do is tell independent Ginny to calm it down. Paying for dinner and drinks does not mean you are a woman who has to rely on a man for things. You can let a guy be a gentlemen and maybe you'll even enjoy it. And if I want to buy myself something pretty, I can still do that.

8 comments:

  1. I know exactly this feeling at it makes me nuts. It kills me to let a guy pay for me. I know societal norms and good manners dictate that he is supposed to pay, but its like I feel indebted when the guy pays. I don't need someone to take care of me, I'm completely capable to do it for myself and then I feel like I owe him something for taking care of the bill.

    I had to seriously put this feeling in check with guys. But I got into the habit of every couple dates (like on the 3rd date or so) I would grab the check when then guy wasn't looking and pay, and then I felt like it was more even. So next time he goes to the bathroom, grab the check and pay for both of you!

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    1. I buy him a beer sometimes when he lets me. I also give back rubs.

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  2. I am totally the same way. I went on a date the other night and snatched the bill off the table and nearly shouted "I'M PAYING FOR MY FOOD" when my date was reaching for his wallet.

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    1. Sounds familiar. I CAN PAY FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. I also agree. I just don't like feeling as if I owe someone something. If I let a guy get away with paying for a dinner or two, I buy tickets for something online: a movie, a sporting event, etc. and invite him to come with me. In my mind, that evens things out, and if he says no, I invite a friend. Win-win.

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    1. I think that's a big part of it. I feel like I owe something.

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  4. I say take the free drinks and food and use your money to buy shoes! Easy... Love Elle xo

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  5. I still have trouble letting G buy me things. I'm used to him paying when he takes me out to dinner, but now he wants to buy me some new shoes, because mine are completely falling apart. I won't even let him buy me a pair of $25 flats. As an avid thrifter, that is way more than I ever spend on my own shoes, aside from a new pair of Converse that didn't last a whole year.

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