Anyone else really hoping that they keep the tampon scene in the movie? :|
Showing posts with label 50 Shades of Grey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 50 Shades of Grey. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
You could convince me Alexander Skarsgard.
Anyone else really hoping that they keep the tampon scene in the movie? :|
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Ginny and Lorraine review 50 Shades of Grey
We've read it and your mom has probably read it and if you're thinking of reading it maybe you should read this review first. If we can save hours of your life we sure as hell are going to try.
I have asked Lorraine of Late to the Party to help me in writing this summary of the worst piece of literature ever written: 50 Shades of Grey. If you'd like to read her amazing chapter by chapter recaps check out Snark Squad Culture.
Ginny: So the plot.....well this was originally written as a Twillight fanfic entitled "Master of the Universe." I think the plot is sex. Sex and things that are not sexy.
Lor: LOL. Plot. As meager and unlikely as it is, the plot would probably be summarized thus: take the hottest man in the world, and match his hotness with the amount of mommy issues he has. Introduce that man to a woman with the lowest self esteem of life. Make the fight and have sex. The end.
Ginny: A 21 year old virgin (of course....) who we are suppose to believe is sexy. Spends most of her time mumbling, bumbling, tripping and vomiting. Acts like a 16 year old which makes sense because she is based on Bella Swan from Twilight. Somehow Ana is more annoying than Bella. At least Bella didn't mention her inner goddess every other paragraph. My inner goddess is bashing my head against my desk.
Lor: I do realize that Ana Steele is a fictional character, but I'm pretty sure I hate her anyways. Aside from being the worst friend of all time, incredibly whiny and robbed of any self worth, she's also our narrator. Do you know what it's like to have a narrator who is dumb as rocks? We spent a lot of time having to hear her complain about why Grey would even like her and blah blah wah wah wah. No one cares, Ana. You suck.
Ginny: As someone who's read Twilight, I am taking the most whiny annoying narrator crown and giving it to Ana Steele. Sorry Bella, you've been dethroned.
Christian Grey
Ginny: A very wealthy dude who every woman wants. Of course he only wants Ana because she's just so hot falling all over the place and puking by his feet. Like Edward Cullen he plays the piano and talks like he's from the 1800s. He out Edward Cullens Edward Cullen in the old tyme talk department. Likes whips, chains and forcing Ana to eat her food.
Lor: Christian Grey is also creepy as hell. Seriously, seriously, I stalked your entire life/ I know you blood type and your social security/ I might put you in the trunk of my car, creepy. I don't see how women are falling over themselves for him, because he's generally characterized very blatantly as a bi-polar mess of a man. I mean, the entire title of the book is based on how he's "fifty shades of fucked up" but somehow, people all over the world find this appealing.
I think it's the sex.
Ginny: I don't find stalkers sexy. Tracking her cell phone to find the bar she's at? Give me a break. That is not normal! And yet somehow, Ana still is unsure if he likes her. Also, the whole no touching me thing because I have mommy issues is weird. Are we suppose to feel bad for him?
Ginny: This is going to be hard to write because there isn't much good. I suppose the sex scenes aren't bad. You could probably skip every part of the book that is not a sex scene.
Lor: Ugh. Do I have to? Fine. The emails back and forth between Grey and Ana. It gave me the term "shouty capitals" which is ironically what I feel like using any time I'm talking about this book.
Ginny: You know why I liked the emails. Because they were short!! Less writing means less crap!
Ginny: This could get long. Let's start with the dialogue. How many times can someone actually use medulla oblongata?
Lor: The dialogue was pathetic. These college age students are talking to each other like senior citizens saying thinks like "way to go" and "nice young man. Everyone refers to each other by their full names. No one ever says anything; the murmur, whisper or breathe things.
And the dialogue was just a little pieces of the crappy over all writing style.
Ginny: Not only referring to people by their first and last names but their middle names too! No one does this. And if any guy used my full name during sexy times I think I'd crack up which would probably kill the mood.
Ginny: Ana Steele and Christian Grey are two characters that I could not care less what happens to them. They both seem so unrealistic to me, especially Ana. With any luck she'll off her self in the last book by forgetting to breathe.
Lor: I can't even say that this book was one of those good-bad-books or a guilty pleasure. It's terribly written and it's a BOOK. Even if you managed to look past that, you get nothing more than bad characters, unlikely circumstances, a flimsy plot and mom porn.
No thanks books 2 and 3. No thanks.
Ginny: Usually I'll still check out books 2 and 3 in a series just to finish it and know what happens. Not going to happen this time. I can't subject myself to any more Shades of Grey. I'm pretty sure reading the 1st book gave me shingles.
I have asked Lorraine of Late to the Party to help me in writing this summary of the worst piece of literature ever written: 50 Shades of Grey. If you'd like to read her amazing chapter by chapter recaps check out Snark Squad Culture.
Plot
Ginny: So the plot.....well this was originally written as a Twillight fanfic entitled "Master of the Universe." I think the plot is sex. Sex and things that are not sexy.
Lor: LOL. Plot. As meager and unlikely as it is, the plot would probably be summarized thus: take the hottest man in the world, and match his hotness with the amount of mommy issues he has. Introduce that man to a woman with the lowest self esteem of life. Make the fight and have sex. The end.
Anastasia Steele
Lor: I do realize that Ana Steele is a fictional character, but I'm pretty sure I hate her anyways. Aside from being the worst friend of all time, incredibly whiny and robbed of any self worth, she's also our narrator. Do you know what it's like to have a narrator who is dumb as rocks? We spent a lot of time having to hear her complain about why Grey would even like her and blah blah wah wah wah. No one cares, Ana. You suck.
Ginny: As someone who's read Twilight, I am taking the most whiny annoying narrator crown and giving it to Ana Steele. Sorry Bella, you've been dethroned.
Christian Grey
Ginny: A very wealthy dude who every woman wants. Of course he only wants Ana because she's just so hot falling all over the place and puking by his feet. Like Edward Cullen he plays the piano and talks like he's from the 1800s. He out Edward Cullens Edward Cullen in the old tyme talk department. Likes whips, chains and forcing Ana to eat her food.
Lor: Christian Grey is also creepy as hell. Seriously, seriously, I stalked your entire life/ I know you blood type and your social security/ I might put you in the trunk of my car, creepy. I don't see how women are falling over themselves for him, because he's generally characterized very blatantly as a bi-polar mess of a man. I mean, the entire title of the book is based on how he's "fifty shades of fucked up" but somehow, people all over the world find this appealing.
I think it's the sex.
Ginny: I don't find stalkers sexy. Tracking her cell phone to find the bar she's at? Give me a break. That is not normal! And yet somehow, Ana still is unsure if he likes her. Also, the whole no touching me thing because I have mommy issues is weird. Are we suppose to feel bad for him?
The good
Ginny: This is going to be hard to write because there isn't much good. I suppose the sex scenes aren't bad. You could probably skip every part of the book that is not a sex scene.
Lor: Ugh. Do I have to? Fine. The emails back and forth between Grey and Ana. It gave me the term "shouty capitals" which is ironically what I feel like using any time I'm talking about this book.
Ginny: You know why I liked the emails. Because they were short!! Less writing means less crap!
The bad
Ginny: This could get long. Let's start with the dialogue. How many times can someone actually use medulla oblongata?
Lor: The dialogue was pathetic. These college age students are talking to each other like senior citizens saying thinks like "way to go" and "nice young man. Everyone refers to each other by their full names. No one ever says anything; the murmur, whisper or breathe things.
And the dialogue was just a little pieces of the crappy over all writing style.
Ginny: Not only referring to people by their first and last names but their middle names too! No one does this. And if any guy used my full name during sexy times I think I'd crack up which would probably kill the mood.
Final thoughts
Ginny: Ana Steele and Christian Grey are two characters that I could not care less what happens to them. They both seem so unrealistic to me, especially Ana. With any luck she'll off her self in the last book by forgetting to breathe.
Lor: I can't even say that this book was one of those good-bad-books or a guilty pleasure. It's terribly written and it's a BOOK. Even if you managed to look past that, you get nothing more than bad characters, unlikely circumstances, a flimsy plot and mom porn.
No thanks books 2 and 3. No thanks.
Ginny: Usually I'll still check out books 2 and 3 in a series just to finish it and know what happens. Not going to happen this time. I can't subject myself to any more Shades of Grey. I'm pretty sure reading the 1st book gave me shingles.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Exciting updates, plant sitting and 50 Shades of Grey
Still no shower. I feel like I should get a girl scout badge for roughing it. It's tough dragging my barely awake ass down the street to use Melissa's shower.
Melissa - just so you know, I watered your plant John F. Plantington today. Also, just so you know, I named your plant John F. Plantington. The F stands for Fern but then I realized that's silly because John is not a fern but then I was too tired to think of anything else.
So I watered myself and Mr. Plantington. I'm really hoping my shower is functioning today. My bathroom was painted yesterday which is great and all but I think having a shower matters a bit more than fresh paint.
I'm currently reading 50 Shades of Grey and plan on doing a post about it when I'm done. It's slow going because I don't want to read this book out in public. Not because it's pretty much porn but because the writing is so bad I don't want people judging me. Maybe I should wear a shirt that says "I read Jane Austen too!" then on the back it would say "but I also read Twilight....."
My ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago sent me a message on OKCupid and I think we are meeting up for drinks. Why not? It will be fun to catch up.
Melissa - just so you know, I watered your plant John F. Plantington today. Also, just so you know, I named your plant John F. Plantington. The F stands for Fern but then I realized that's silly because John is not a fern but then I was too tired to think of anything else.
So I watered myself and Mr. Plantington. I'm really hoping my shower is functioning today. My bathroom was painted yesterday which is great and all but I think having a shower matters a bit more than fresh paint.
I'm currently reading 50 Shades of Grey and plan on doing a post about it when I'm done. It's slow going because I don't want to read this book out in public. Not because it's pretty much porn but because the writing is so bad I don't want people judging me. Maybe I should wear a shirt that says "I read Jane Austen too!" then on the back it would say "but I also read Twilight....."
My ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago sent me a message on OKCupid and I think we are meeting up for drinks. Why not? It will be fun to catch up.
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